I am her

She unfurls her wings. She speaks her mind. She is a beautiful parcel of boldness and grace, Brilliant. Shining. The more of her own light she allows to shine, The more others shine too. From high up, she imagines they must looke like a constellation. I am her.

D.C. Escapade

Why Lincoln?
Well, let me tell you.

I am in the We The People class, a class that competes over different parts of the Constitution. We re going to get to see many different monuments and even possibly get to compete sitting in the seats of the delegates on Capitol Hill. But that is not why I am writing a new post.

I choose to think on this trip something amazing will happen. Not only do I get to travel around D.C. with some of my closest friends, but I also get to make new ones with a people guys and girls from a different school.

I need a little drama in my life. But not too much, or I may get a headache.

Yes, the thought has passed through my mind that MAYBE I may have weird few days playing "who could look the most but 'care less" with a guy, but that's only because it has been so long since i have had boy drama in my life, that I am beginning to miss it a little.

After my first boyfriend, I fell into a cycle of hatred towards men, my step father and my own father didn't help much. I actually began to recognize that in every paper I ever wrote for my English class, that happened to have a male character, the guy was always brutally murdered, killed, or in one case, stabbed to death by his possessed girl- friend.

I am working on letting the guys live, killing them in stories is something that i don't purposefully do.

Anyways, I am really just hoping that out of all of the girls on the trip, somehow I manage to stand out to someone. Through all the perfect smiles, flirtatious conversations, and skanky clothing, my laid- back, not- so- normal, not perfect personality manages to shine through.

somehow.

Not good enough? I choose to disagree.

Readers; it has come to my attention that there are some problems that we need to address.

First of all, I would like to start off with a status that my friend showed me posted by a fellow high school male-

" Guys look at confidence more than tits or ass, we find girls that don't give a f*** sexy."

First off, I would just like to state how untrue this is. Im sure some men do admire confidence in a woman, but from my personal expiriences, (Multiple step fathers) A woman who is not afraid to show her confidence- is a woman that gets thrown against walls, beaten, and emotionally abused.

And frankly, most high school "men" could care less about a women, and more about the size of her boobs and if she is willing to let herself be taken advantage of.

This brings up yet another important point- why a handful of absolutley beautiful high school girls feel like they are not good enough to be noticed by any sort of guy.
It is so much easier for men to take advantage of the girls who will allow them to, and most guys now days (and even girls too) are too lazy to make an effort to find someone to love them unconditionally, and would rather skrew anything that easy to take advantage of and walks.

Looks are what get most guy's attention, if lucky, a quick glance at the personality of a woman comes after she gives herself away to him- but usually by that time, the guy already moves onto his next subject.

Please understand, I am not making a generalization, there are tons of men out there that are absolutley amazing, who deserve nothing but the best.

but I have been so sickened by the guys in high school- that its hard to really see any of them in a good light.

I have had hockey players flirt with me, just so they can cheat off of my paper. They think its okay, women are easy to take advantage of, right? Well when I told them to back off, they got angry, calling me "an ungrateful slut" behind my back, and continuing to make fun of me for the rest of the semester.

I now have a fear of being in public, shopping is complete hell for me. Too many times have I gone in front of the class and had some guy shout out something like "Nice Ass" or "I'd make you a slut in no time." It is completely and utterly humiliating. I now find myself running from men, being paranoid that they are taking me apart piece by piece with thier minds. I feel disrespected any glance I get, and even when a guy happens to flirt with me, I immediatley assume he is mocking me and take offense.

It kills me to see girls that let guys walk all over them, disprespect them, and treat them like sex toys.

Women are supposed to be a creature of beauty, grace, wisdom, and mystery. It's hard to be that when we get ridiculed and put down for not making sluts of ourselves.

I have a friend who is one of the most beautiful people I know, she could have any guy she wanted. Yet, she does not date. She has respect for herself, and she chooses to wait and not let the disgusting comments and innopropriate behavior towards her break down her wall of confidence; in fact she is mocked for it. Blows to her religion, personality, and anything else a guy can happen to think of that will affect her.

She was even "jokingly" pinned in a corner by two guys, and later told me how disrespected they made her feel.

So, I hope my rant helped to put in perspective, that confidence is seen as a tool to mock women. A tool that broke me down enough to the point that I smashed many of my step father's breakable things, becuase the emotional abuse from him, my anger towards the many wounds I still bear from previous men, and my hatred of hockey players pushed me to a point where I emotionally broke.

But, damn. Smashing all those thing sure felt good.

Where is mine?

Relax.
I know I am only eighteen years old. But seriously, every woman has dreams of being a princess! And I am completely serious, under this confidant man- free skin of mine, I secretly want someone who will sweep me off of my feet. I guess the question is, does he actually exist?

Or are "Happily Ever Afters" just reserved for people who were blessed with nice bodies and good looks?

I sure hope not. But this sinking feeling keeps telling me its true.

What is it in life that so attracts a woman to a man? For me; its pretty obvious...

-The amazing personality
-The strong jawline
-That Handsome smile
-The humor
-The shoulders
-The confidence
-The hair (hehe)


Woman are addicted to a sense of protection, hence the knight, the armor, the sword, and of course the magnificent steed. But do really only the girls gifted with the faces or royalty get to hook men like these?

Ask yourself- are the men who are wearing the shining armor to you... really just losers in tin foil?

Maybe the looks have your heart. But what I have been told, is that the shy guys, the ones that don't try to grab your butt in the hall way, pin you into a corner, grind on you, are in most cases, the true knights. They may not look like much, but they won't disrespect you. Would you rather be with a man who was incredibly handsome, but cheated on you, mistreated you, and lied to you, or would you rather be with a man who may not have the best looks, but loved you unconditionally, was loyal, and made you feel like a princess?

A funny twist to this, is that most guys in the future are going to find themselves asking the same question: She may be beautiful, but does she make me her knight in shining armor?

High School is only the beginning. Guard you heart, you'll be surprised when one day you will find a certain someone, fighting for it.

Class of 2012! (The years we are supposed to remember?)

Hey 2012!
Graduation is coming, and you know what that means.... NO MORE HIGH SCHOOL!
But you already knew that.
Are you ready for the walk down the aisle? Don't trip. God know thats probably going to be me.
Im am so ready to be done with high school.
the drama.
the stinky bathrooms.
the boys.
gosh.

Well, here's to a successful Graduation!!

It's NOT SIMPLE.

Its really quite simple.

                     Not a crush.... well maybe.
I prefer to think of it as an admiration.
Skills, abilities, personality, the whole nine yards.
but why is it so difficult to let it out?
after six and a half years i'd hardly expect myself to be able to keep it a secret.
well, haha at least to him.
Not only do I feel like the world's largest creep,
I've managed to get myself stuck in a position of certain social death.
At least with him.
who is him? why do you care... Lets not focus on names.
If only life could be story book perfect.
Babies could be delivered by storks. Having children would be possible.
Or I could just watch from the tall castle window as the princess rides off with my prince into the sunset.
Ehh, not so bad. At least I got the castle. Freaking good view. Maybe a pool?
No, im not high. Its just 2:01 am and I have no idea what anything means, and i'm prone to drama. (especially after watching the notebook, ahhhh brilliant!!) No doubt i'll regret this post later.
Anyways, how do you tell someone you like them? have liked them, admired.... Whatever.... for six years six months.  without sounding like a complete creeper...... if we met in 2006... then really this would all be riding around 6-6-6.
Fabulous.

I can't wait to move.

This is gonna be one heck of a few months. Wish me luck. or a sudden onset of paralyzing illness... i'd take either at this point.



~Here's to Ben and Jerry, the two best friends a girl could have~

What is Beauty?

Is it the fashion, the makeup, and the flawless smile?

or perhaps the wealth, and fame?

Wrong.

Beauty, is the personality.
if you disagree, look at it like this;
 If you had a person, the most attractive person you have ever seen,  who demanded your heart and had a absolutely sickening personality, BUT, you also had another person who was not attractive at all, but had a sweet personality and wanted your heart the same.

if both of them were asked to sacrifice something for you, which do you think it would be? and would your feelings towards them change?

Its your choice.

Personality is not really held high as a becoming trait in todays society. It seems that physical beauty is all that really matters. But would you rather have people love you for how you look? or who you truly are?

Walk with confidence, be yourself, smile when you meet someone's eyes. Even little things like that can go a lot farther then walking down the street, looking pretty.

one other thing I also found on my search to find the meaning of beauty:

A person who is attractive but lacking in personality will only attract through the things that we don't want people to be drawn to at first sight. (you know what I mean)

A person with personality will attract through their smile, their words and their confidence.

which would you prefer?

~Here's to Greater Personality~