BLACK FRIDAY

Time to wake up at three am. get some socks. ya know.
socks that are 25% off. just like any other day at freds.

Really people, Black Friday. the most sought after shopping day in America. i really think the best reason to go is to watch large ladies steal things out of other peoples arms and pepper spray people in order to get the best deals on a xbox that their kids will use once and then forget about. Although, i dont know why im complaining. i woke up at three and got my mom out of bed to go shopping for crap. I had a blast, thank God for black friday, giving americans something to look forward to; shopping at unreasonable hours in the morning in order to get things that we dont need at prices that are still unreasonable. Dont get me started on Christmas shopping. did you get my message?

Christmas

Thats right... its coming, the yummy cookies, the happy moments, that wonderful holiday spirit.

The snow and and fires

Theres no more to say. The beauty of Christmas is indescribable...

Life is life

Today i was walking down the hall and saw a hot guy. Just thought i would let my two followers know. I was thinking today, wouldnt it be amazing to be laying on a beach, toes in the sand listening to the waves and a hot jamacian man serenading you? haha just a  thought. Maybe one day...
         Do you ever wonder when you see people what they are thinking? Or perhaps what they think about you? I wish i could read peoples minds. hahaha then i would be a creeperrrr!!!
         Right beside me is my green ski jacket. Now that i think about it, so much has happened since i bought it last November. I snuck off for the first time in this jacket, I cross country skiied for the first time in this jacket, I had my first kiss in the jacket, I have had the best day of my life in this jacket, I have faceplanted, skiied, done my first 360, and dropped my first cliff. Its as is it represents a new me. An older me. So much has changed since i first put it on, I now live at my moms. First Boyfriend, i became a little more rebellious. Hmm just a thought. well gotta go

Difference

    JUST A THOUGHT   I hate walking down the halls of my school somedays. thier are girls that are so much prettier and skinnier and more talented, it makes me wonder if i even compare. Even as i look at my friends, i see smarts, talent, amazing personalities and wonderful people. I wonder what people think when they see me.. its always been a thought. Like possible "eww whats with her style" or "oh i like her hair" something like that i guess:/
    Today i was day dreaming in math class about touring italy and soaking in the fine tuscan sun. I remember going with my mother, walking around the small market places and seeing the old buildings around us. I remember going to an antique store, and instead of having the usual junk like american stores do, they had things that were from the 1700's and more. It makes me so happy to be able to pick up such an old object. I know it sounds foolish, but everytime i see an old mirror or book, i feel as if they are somehow magical. I almost get this feeling if i touch them i will be sucked into an alternate world and have to live out an adventure and possibly fall in love with a handsome pirate or something. I have had dreams of opening an old book my grandmother gave me, and taking a walk while reading. In these dreams i would find myself in the woods and meet some stranger who would grab my hand and lead me into a secret world. This stranger in my dreams is always tall, dark brown hair and dark brown eyes, with a english accent. His name is always Leo. We would sail off on his caravel in search for something, on a quest, and on the way i somehow would fall in love, obtain a pair of angel wings, and fight something big and reighn victorious. And of course the drama always is in my dreams, hahaha love and stuff. Have you ever thought that the past was somehow magical? Like in moves that take place in the 1800- 1900's thier is always some sort of magical aura. It would be amazing to walk into an alternate world through a wardrobe. Oh yes, i have also always dreamed of moving into a large old house and finding a secret hidden away room with things in it, like old diaries and magical objects that could somehow change my life. It makes me wonder, has anyone ever had an expierience like that? and just not said anything.... i think its possible! haha well homework time, write more on this later..
  

So perfect

Today was super perfect, every moment seemed to go right, even the people that dont like me were nice!  It seemed as is every moment flowed like smooth buttah. From Astronomy, my favrite class learning about the galaxies and planets, to taking funny pictures in english class with seth, one of the dorkiest kids i know. everything flowed. My mom picked me up from school, she always has a smile on her face. Everyone has a hero and favorite person, mine is my mother, she is the most amazing person i know. We drove tho Chartreuse, a small clothes shop with clothes from the fifties, forties, thirties and twenties. It was amazing, the bubble hats and the carefully sewn gloves that were so small it was amazing ladies could actually fit thier hands into them. I found a pair of sparkly green shoes that were just my size, i almost died. After this, we drove to the country kitchen and i got a thing to cut my sandwitches into shapes of dinosaurs!! i am very excited for that! Being with my mother is so fun, it reminds me of Italy where we discovered new things together, and bought the most outrageous foods to try.  She is such an amazing person. Life is so perfect right now, Who cares about boys i am so over that right now it does not even come up in my mind as a concern, its pretty great! I dont understand how life can be so amazing sometimes. Have you ever just laid on the ground and listened to the trees, birds and the planes? To me that is the sound of perfection. The still and quiet, being with my mom. Have you ever thought if the world was about to end who would you want to be with? I would want to be in the arms of my mother, i dont care what happens as long as i am with her i would be happy.
             Right now I am working on a dance for airband called the sfety dance, Its pretty awesome. I have been imagining myself on that stage, doing the dance perfectly and getting amazed looks and screams from the audience. I still need to work on it, it looks like a floppy fish dance right now. Today in math i was day dreaming about being kidnapped by a gang of motorcylists who take me to a top secret facility and feed me a pill that makes me grow a pair of large white angel wings. Hahaha sounds funny i know but i will let you in on a little secret, every single birthday wish, shooting star, eyelash wish, penny wish, every wish i have ever made was for a pair of wings so i could fly. Haha even now, i still wish for wings.
            As i write this i am sitting on the couch next to a fire, wearing my green sparkly shoes. they are perfect.:) Isnt it funny how life can be so funny sometimes? haha i dont even know where i am going with this... I remember when i used to dream of peter pan rescueing me out my window and bringing me to neverland. haha random:) well thats all for tonight!!

A ruined perfect moment

So much snow!!! Its almost torture sitting in school watching the blizzard out the window. I want to be outside!! Something that is even more horrible is finally getting home, excited to be able to go outside and make a jump to ski off of, and the men remodeling my house are here. How wonderful. I am currently locked in my room because i was able to sneak into here without them realizing it. I am not sure what to do so i think i will just wait until they leave. Its snowing and its warm outside. this is so dumb. Why can i not be out there.... I need to ski. I have to. Have you ever wanted something so badly that you would do anything to get it? yea. right now. Hmm i wonder how this will play out. I have to use the bathroom. darn. uggh. :(

Not too bad on the breakups

So many times people put all of themselves into something or someone they love dearly. Alot of the time, its a huge mistake, for there is a very good chance that there is a limited time to have the happiness of having that certain object or seeing that certain person, before they are gone and you are left wondering what you did wrong. Sometimes, these people choose to leave you. And yes, it may hurt, but chances are you will find someone a million times better your next go round. Even if its not that serious, it still hurts to know there is one less person that cares about you. Feeling like crawling into bed and crying for a few days is pretty normal. Stuff like this happens in life. Even if you have lost someone who is talented, amazing, funny and just hard not to love, there is always something better for you. So ignore the akwardness, get out there and live it up! Single, hell yes!! that means as many guys as you want!! (if you are a girl hopefully) See, with my certain situation, i lost a guy who was amazing at everything, gorgeous, and always made me laugh. But the cool thing is, i know i can get the guy who is PERFECT for me now. Its pretty great!!:) i am very glad, almost as if it was a blessing in disguise, yes i will take awhile to get over, but at least i can live knowing there is someone out there that is perfect for me, i just gotta find him!

Dare

I have always though it would be cool to do something that others may think crazy, i try and make my best attempts at things that people would think i am stupid for doing. Why not dare? life is full of setbacks and things that make a person stop to think. Thinking is overrated, if everyone thought about everything to find all the reasons they shouldent do something, then nothing exciting would ever happen. Who cares about shopping, or any other public based things? I want to climb a mountain, go heli skiing, or perhaps even be the first woman to do something awesome, im not sure what. I want to live where there is nothing but woods and trees, so i can do whatever i want, heck, ill even walk around with no clothes. Have an international no clothes day, everyday. I want to do something great. I guess we will see where this goes..

A Little About my Life

Not many people know my past, its not much to know but might as well. I was born in Chicago and raised there with my dad, mother and sister. We were very poor at that point, my mom was in medical school trying to make a living for us and my dad was busy at home making my sister and meals we would never eat. Macoroni and brocolli? yea.... like licking a fence post with lead based paint. But anyways, i dont remeber much, just that we struggled our first few years. It was hard starting a new family on nothing but pure desire, but anything is possible. As i look back through the pictures that i have from my childhood, it seems every one i somehow try to ruin with a funny face. Life is just so fun when you are able to annoy your parents like that!!
         We moved from Chicago to Washington and lived in Vancover for a bit, i remeber little about this house, exept for a dog named "Tigger" that our neighbors had, who was constantly bouncing up and down along the wooden fence, i remember wondering how he jumped so high. Oh yes our house was also vomit pink, what a wonderful memory. I do also have a fond memory of eating chalk, ants, dirt, and probably many other things i was able to get a hold of. I dont remember much after this, just that one day my dad was there and the next he was gone. Things became different, my mom cried more and seemed more stressed than usual, and i remember wondering where he had gone.
           Next thing i know we are in Alaska, my mom had bought a house and i had my own room, with a large window, with a veiw that was just of trees, but still comforting in a way, That was my veiw for the next twelve years of my life. I was three when we had moved, and my first memory was walking out behind our house and eating the wild strawberries with my mom. My first night in my room i had a panic attack because i was sure there was a giant nutcracker in my closet, i had strange fears, i also was very afraid of being eaten by a giant jello monster. Which is funny because i love jello now. Anyways, we had gotten moved in and settled, but something was still off. My dad still had not come back. 
         I remember walking into my moms room to find her crying on her bed, dad wasnt coming back. He had found another woman and walked out on me, my sister and my mom. Shortly there after i had a new half sister, but i thought this funny, for she had been born from the other lady not my mom, but my parents will still married. I still remember the day i walked into the delivery room to see my new half sister i was told by her mother not to touch her, or i will get her dirty. To be very honest, this was the beginning of the worst years of my life.
         I never liked the woman my dad chose to leave us for. She was mean, angry, and had never liked me. I chose to rebel alot, and was constanly told that i wasnt loved. I learned to accept this, and became used to the things i was told. I remember one day walking into the little cabin that my father owned and being told that only my half sister could play inside, and my sister camber and i had to go outside in the rain. Another time i was exploring the woods and come home with a small toad i had found, only to be yelled and and called "disgusting little worthless girl." This is how i learned to take revenge so seriousley. I would find spiders and put the in the clothes of my half sisters mom and fill her shoes with dirt. My dad decided to marry this woman. Much to my surprise during the wedding my sister and i sat as my new step mom walked down the isle carrying her baby. I hated wearing a dress for that wedding, during the reception i smeared jelly all over it just so i would never have to wear it again.
         I learned to put up with the things my new step mom dished out. Usually i was told that i wasnt good enough, or the only reason i would spend time with my dad is becasue the court said he had to. it was hard, thinking i wasnt loved, it made me so angry i became a very violent kid, i threw a few chairs at my classmates, bit my first grade teacher three times, and stood on the table during lunch one time and shouted " I am the queen of the classroom! dont touch me or ill kick you in the face!!" needless to say, i didnt have any friends.
        Two months after the wedding, i came home to find out that my step mom had left and taken my half sister with her. she had moved to arizona.  I did not see my sister for about three years after that. I still regret missing those years of her life, even though at that point i was so used to being left i could care less if my parents sold me to a hobo or something.
         Girlfriend after girlfriend my dad went through, my poor mother was getting the backfire of my anger from all of this change. some nice, some so mean that after my dad broke up with them they would come to our house, drunk, threatening to kill us with a crowbar. That is definatley not fun on a school night.
        There is still a memory i have of sitting under an old spruce tree, after being yelled at by my ex step mom for trying to play with my half sister. "You will hurt her, i dont want my daughter playing with a mistake like you." I still remember those words. I didnt understand how i was a mistake. My parents wanted me, but a mistake? it didnt make sense. I liked that old tree, nobody ever knew where i was. and it always gave me a place to cry where i didnt have to have fear of being heard and yelled at. Most nights i cried myself to sleep, listening to my dad and his wife fighting about how my sister and i were not good enough for thier family. Most nights i dreamed of running away.
          This was just the beginning of my life, elementary school era. It wasnt so bad, i had my good moments too. But this is my story of where i came from for my friends who have never known. Im glad this all happened, it shaped me into the person i am today. I think i tured out okay, i hope... but it also taught me very important life lessons, how i am never going to treat my children in such an ugly matter, Being beat was probably the most devistating part, im not going to do that either. But It made me who i am today, i know i am good enough and not afraid to stand up to anyone who tries to tell me i am worthless. I may not be the girly girl perfect, beautiful, whatever that every guy wants, but i know how to survive in the woods on my own, hunt, and dream of living outdoors. I love challenge. and now am willing to take on anything.

What to Wonder

Ive never had a blog before, but maybe it will help me be able to talk about things more, like my life and my family and such. Ive never been one for typing but I think I will be able to make this have a positive outcome, hopefully!